Voice coach Molly and I had a Copy Clinic session back in October to turn her group programme sales page into something she could feel proud of (and would drive more bums on seats).
This one was especially delightful, because although I usually run all my copy workshopping sessions online, this one was in person. We met at Molly’s co-working space in Islington and it was so fun!
Just a few days later, she'd emailed me this:
Is there anything better than that feeling of intense focus and flow that comes with letting someone else loose in your business? I don't think so.
Pleased to be of service, Molly!
I was, however, NOT prepared for the level of transformation Molly's sales page had actually gone through. You'll see why in a minute.
Worried your copy isn’t clear and specific enough? So was Molly.
When she booked her session with me, Molly was worried that the copy for her group programme (helping professionals get better at presenting, public speaking and using their voice through practice) wasn't clear enough, and she wanted to start targeting a different, more specific type of client. Additionally, she felt it was dry and lacking in personality because she struggled with copy and trying to appeal to corporate clients while still appearing "professional". It was doing OK, but she wanted a big overhaul so she could fill more spots and stop relying on 1:1 work so much.
That's enough explaining from me. Instead, I'll just let the results of our 60-minute session speak for themselves. Because... it's not just Molly's clients that find their voice. Her sales page sure did as well.
If a sales page wore an outfit, her old one would be wearing business casual for sure.
Formal. Stilted. All facts, no fire. Which was at odds with Molly’s real-life confidence.
Well. I nearly fell off my creaky old office chair when she sent over the transformed page just three days later. Never has my updated copy popped so much. The shift from the original to the current sales page is WILD. Take a look!
Below: the sales page she submitted to me for edits versus part of the brand new version Molly designed up.
Before and after SALES PAGE COPYWRITING transformation
Molly’s sales page before the session
A snippet of Molly’s sales page copy after the session
The main copywriting changes I made to Molly’s sales page (and would likely recommend to you!)
Before every Copy Clinic, I spend 2-3 hours simply editing your existing copy, cross-referencing with your answers to the questions in my onboarding questionnaire and making sure that the website copy is reaching your goals (and speaking to your ideal client).
I’ll take the time to note what you say you’re hoping to get out of the session (in Molly’s case, she wanted her sales page to be clearer and have more personality, while nodding to the misheld belief many people have about their accent holding them back).
When you book, you’re getting far more than a generic audit. I edit and rewrite multiple pages before we even meet for our collaborative call.
All that means things change. A lot. In a nutshell, the biggest changes we made to Molly’s sales page (and those I’d recommend you check for in yours) were:
First, I made sure "public speaking" was present as a keyword in the sales page so it was clear to humans AND search engines what Molly’s Practice Rooms offer is all about.
Replacing coaching jargon with more human language. Molly’s sales page had a few very jargonny terms like “internal instrument” rather than simply saying “voice” that gave us a good giggle.
Signalling authority earlier and more consistently with a logo bar under the homepage headline, and testimonials spread across the sales page to breadcrumb the reader’s buying journey.
Making sure CTAs were fun where possible (Instead of “start your journey” we landed on “say it like you mean it”)
Weaving in some stats to back up her arguments and signal authority in the sector. Top tip for your sales page: back up or introduce your main argument with an actual stat when you can. Science.
Being more specific. Throughout, we worked hard to make everything feel very relatable and specific to an ideal reader's lived experiences, rather than defaulting to generalities. “Waking up and running your presentation lines in your head” over “feeling nervous”.
Telling a good story. Molly had always struggled to link her prev experience with actors to her work with corporate clients. I had a field day tying it all together with analogies about rehearsing for a big presentation as if you’re an actor rehearsing lines — with Molly as the director, giving you notes, feedback and cueing.
Below, take a look at some of my favourite copy moments:
First time in over a decade of copywriting I've managed to shoehorn an Eminem ref into a headline. Pleased. Instant personality, and Molly's design updates make it fly.
Molly had always struggled to link her previous RADA experience with actors to her work with corporate clients. I had a field day adding in this section and tying it all together.
As soon as the session was over, I shared my Google doc of copywriting edits with Molly and she got to work adding it into her own website. And can you believe she didn't just redesign this sales page, but her entire site in one week?
Still not over it, tbh. You can see the whole sales page here.
(If you’ve ever wondered how a Copy Clinic works, here’s a little screenshot of a working document. My comments are along the side and my edits are in green, with Molly’s original copy in black font.)
When it came to the experience of working together, Molly had this to say:
Emma is brilliant! She really helped me get out of my head and find clarity on the SO WHAT behind my offers. Highly recommend working with her!!
Now, I can take no credit for the design. When we work together, that bit's on you. Or your designer.
But...
... if you're sitting there right now, knowing your sales page or website in general isn't doing you justice...
...That there's a huge gap between what you're becoming known for and what your online presence is currently saying...
... you've spent all of this year with it falling down your to-do list (and that Chatty G edit you tried got you nowhere)...
..And you've realised you need someone who knows this stuff inside out to come in, apply 12 years' copywriting experience, show you what's not working and rewrite it so that it drives instant results...
...then let Molly be the proof that a Copy Clinic session with me comes with a handy little side helping of a rocket up your arse!
You can book your Copy Clinic here. Or, click here to read more case studies.